Happy Heart Day!

I woke up this morning like every other morning until I sat at my desk and looked at the calender.....May 21st.

Just 2 years ago today I was packing hospital bags, saying many prayers, giving Arianna a bath in that special surgery soap and looking at her scareless chest.

On May 22nd, 2009 Arianna underwent open heart surgery. I'm not sure which day was worse...the day before or the day of. The day before I was so scared and just wanted to pack up our things and run away, but I knew the surgery was needed to save her life. I kept thinking all the "what if's" and "how will I hand my child over." There really isn't anything you can do to prepare for that day. Then you have the day of surgery which was the hardest day of my life....handing my child over to an anesthesiologist who will take her into an OR where they will cut open her sternum, stop her heart, drop her body temperature to a crazy low degree, recirculate all her blood through a bypass machine and fix her heart....at least that was what I was hoping for.

I don't use the word fix anymore because she will need more heart surgery but on May 22, 2009, I really thought her heart would be fixed. I now know it was the denial I was living in. I feel like it wasn't until a few months after surgery that it really hit me that Arianna will need to go through that all over again. I try not to dwell on it too much.

So today I found myself reflecting back to what my baby girl went through and how very proud I am of her. I've cried tears of sadness and tears of joy. In a way I feel like we're 1 year closer to her next surgery but I keep pushing those thoughts aside.

Tomorrow we will be going to get a heart cookie from the mall and let her pick out a new toy. In our family we celebrate May 22nd as "Arianna's Happy Heart Day!"


(I'll post pictures this weekend)